Chinese Sub Pops Up Undetected Near U.S.S. Kitty Hawk During Exercise

An unexpected visit by a Chinese Submarine that went undetected in the middle of a Pacific Ocean Naval exercise and came extremely close to the U.S.S. Kitty Hawk, has American military chiefs looking for answers.

The sub was apparently able to slip past at least a dozen U.S. warships, two U.S. submarines and a vast array of advanced technology, which failed to detect it.

When the Navy deploys a battle fleet on exercises, they take the security of the aircraft carriers very seriously. At least a dozen warships are used to provide a physical guard, and using advanced technology they are able to detect and deter any potential intruders.

By the time the Chinese sub surfaced, the 160ft Song Class diesel-electric attack submarine sailed within viable range for launching torpedoes or missiles at the U.S.S. Kitty Hawk, a 1,000ft. super carrier with 4,500 military personnel on-board.

According to senior NATO officials, the incident caused a sense of sudden fear in the U.S. Navy, as officials realized the seriousness of the encounter. The U.S. apparently had no idea just how sophisticated China’s fast-growing submarine fleet had become, or that they even posed such a threat.

Analysts believe that China was sending a message to the United States and the West by demonstrating their rapidly growing military capability to threaten foreign powers that might try to interfere in their own “backyard.”

The U.S. Navy and Nato are now forced to re-think their strategy, and reconsider the level of threat posed from potentially hostile Chinese submarines.

The "Motivational" Posters You Don't Get To Buy

"You can fool some of the people all of the time ....."

Sales? I like to think I have done well since I got here. Figures do not lie.

As the adage goes, "You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time."

Dedicated to one son of a bitch

If he is good, he will still be a Managing Director and not have lost his job.

Chrysler admits Sebring is a dud

The Detroit News got its hands on a transcript of a Q&A session held between Chrysler execs and employees of the company in which management admits the company misjudged the market when developing vehicles like the new Chrysler Sebring and Dodge Nitro. The transcript was confirmed to be legitimate by Chrysler spokesman Rick Deneau, who admitted it was never meant for the public to see. Nevertheless, the Q&A session shows that that there are many at Chrysler who are "quite upset" about how some vehicles turned out, which is illustrated most pointedly by the harsh criticism the Sebring and Nitro received from Consumer Reports.

In response, Chrysler says it is moving fast to fix its own internal development process so that it can better project what customers want and expect from their vehicles a few years down the road. It seems the current system is good at matching what competitors are offering now, but produces vehicles that arrive on the market behind the curve in terms of design, quality and interiors.

Full article from the Detroit News

Read The Truth About Cars' article on Chrysler Suicide Watch

Great American Cars: The Chevrolet Corvette Z06

Sure, gas prices in America are insane and the base model starts at USD70,000 but the Corvette Z06 is still spectacularly cool. This 2007 model packs in a 505-hp 7.0 Liter LS7 aluminum-block engine and also sports one the absolute best looking bodies of any GM power car ever made. It is GM's challenge to the Dodge Viper except sexier.

To say the Vette Z06 is mean is an understatement. It hits 100 kph from the standing block in 4 seconds with 637 Nm of Torque. To stop a car at that speed the Corvette Z06 employs monoblock six-piston front calipers and four-piston rear calipers.

Z06 achieves a power-to-weight ratio superior to many exotic cars like the Dodge Viper and the Ferrari F430, in part because of its lightweight, yet strong, aluminum frame combined with a magnesium roof structure and engine cradle. The aluminum body structure weighs only 278 pounds, 136 pounds less than the Corvette coupe.

Ten Sales and Marketing Tips I learned from Strippers

I got this over the Net. It isn't written by me but I think it makes interesting reading if you are in sales. It is something we can all relate to and how true it is.

Like you, I like strippers.

However, I generally find myself leaving the strip club with an empty wallet. Any business that can get you to spend all of your money is a good one to be in.

But while walking out of a club one evening, I realized that a big reason they have such a good business is because strippers are such great salespeople. It is not simply due to the fact that they are selling to stupid horny men, but because they use a lot of highly effective sales and marketing techniques.

You too can achieve great success by applying sales and marketing techniques of strippers. Here are the ten sales and marketing techniques I have learned from strippers:

Sales Technique #1 - Give them something for nothing
One of the first thing a stripper will do is come up to you and flirt. She will likely sit on your lap or do something to raise your excitement level. For this, you have to do nothing. However, you do get a sample of the service and if it is a good one, your chances of buying the service increases. This also applies to the dances they do on the stage.

Sales Technique #2 - Understand your customers
Strippers get to know their customers by asking questions. This allows them to develop a rapport and tailor the sales pitch…

Sales Technique #3 - Tailor the Sales Pitch
Strippers will try different sales pitches with different people based on what she thinks they like. “I like to get dirty” or “Have you seen my great ass?” or “My tits are real”. Each pitch may be the one thing that converts the potential customer into a buyer. (Pointing out a tight ass may work for some). And she revises her pitch based on experience.

Sales Technique #4 - Make sure you are selling a great product/service
She knows she has to have a great product. If she put on 30 pounds or hadn’t showered for the past 4 days, she would likely not get as many customers. Regardless of how great a salesperson you are, you can’t do much with a crappy product/service.

Sales Technique #5 - Provides Good Customer Service
She will make sure you are happy on your first dance or she won’t get repeat business or even do what she ultimately set out to do…Upsell.

Sales Technique #6 - Upsell
She sells the customer on a relatively cheap service, a lapdance, but then markets her other services to them. She tries to get them to the “champagne room” and sell an upgraded service, which is where the money is. However, without the first sale, she would never get the bigger sale. Customer's acquisition is tough. Once she does it, she needs to get as much business as she can.

Sales Technique #7 - Closing Techniques
She will use a variety of closing techniques to get you to buy her services. There are a variety of closing techniques, but two popular ones used by strippers are the compliment close (usually flirting with you) and companion close (getting your buddies to push you into closing the deal).

Sales Technique #8 - Target your audience
Strippers market to individuals that are interested in her service. First, she works in a strip club where guys go specifically for her service, that is obvious. But she also knows which guys to go after within a group or which groups will likely spend the most money. Spending time with cheap-asses only wanting to pay a dollar for a dance will not be a wise use of her precious time.

Sales Technique #9 - Persistence
Even though the audience is qualified, she knows she will get rejections. Even so, she will go up to every guy and ask if they need a lap dance. She also knows that the more guys she asks, the more yesses she will get.

Sales Technique #10 - Branding
I don’t know any strippers that are named Ethel, Mildred or Agnes. Instead, you will get the pleasure to do business with Cookie, Destiny, Candy, or Raven.

The new Mini Clubman was caught uncovered by the photographers. Unlike the prototypes, the new Mini Clubman has a small additional door made to facilitate the access to the back seats.

The range of motors will be basically the same one with the one on the Mini One. The version that appears in the photos is a Clubman Cooper S. The Clubman will have the modifications that were recently introduced on the Mini series.

The first Mini Clubman was in 1969. It measured 3,165 mm, 11 mm more than the normal Mini and less than the Mini Estate (3,400 mm in length). It also had the same width, height and wheelbase like the model from which it left, with slightly different a front part.

Ten Dumbest Quotes

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
- Greg Norman, Golfer

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.»
- Mariah Carey, pop singer

They misunderestimated me.
- George W Bush, Bentonville, Arkansas

Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.
- Keppel Enderbery, Former Australian cabinet minister

Put the 'off' button on.
- George W. Bush, Associated Press, 14th February 2000

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

The internet is a great way to get on the net.
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

I don't make friends over a pound of salt.
- One son of a bitch

Adolf Hitler and the Volkswagen Beetle

Sitting at a restaurant table in Munich in the summer of 1932, Hitler designed the prototype for what would become the immensely successful Beetle design for Volkswagen (literally, the "car of the people"). In an era where only the most economic elite possessed cars, Hitler believed that all people should be able to own a car and additionally thought that a smart design could allow for reliability, enjoyment, and vacation travel. The name given to the car in 1938 was Kraft durch Freude (KdF-Wagen, literally "strength through joy car").

Hitler gave his design to the head of Daimler-Benz, Jakob Werlin, and stressed its importance. "Take it with you and speak with people who understand more about it than I do. But don't forget it. I want to hear from you soon, about the technical details."

The rest is history.

Research indicates that ........

Incredible Driving Skills

Nine Words Women Use

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
   
   
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
   
   
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
   
   
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
   
   
5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
   
   
6. That's Ok: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's ok means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
   
   
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
   
   
8. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying FUCK YOU!
   
   
9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, refer to #3.

Try to read the Colors

What if Microsoft built cars?

At a computer expo (COMDEX) a few years ago, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated.. "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000mi/gal."

General Motors addressed this comment by releasing their own statement "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?", and offered the following comparisons:

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
   
   
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart the car and drive on.
   
   
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to reinstall the whole engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
   
   
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy and install more seats.
   
   
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was perfectly reliable, ran five times faster, and was twice as easy to drive, but would only run on 5% of the roads.
   
   
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars run much slower, and begin to crash.
   
   
7. The red "oil", "gas" and "alternator" warning lights would be replaced by a single blue "general protection fault" warning light.
   
   
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butts.
   
   
9. The airbag system would ask "are you sure?" before going off.
   
   
10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what caused it, or what you can do to prevent subsequent crashes from occurring in the future.
    
    And more
    
    
11. When you applied the brakes, a panel on the dashboard would light up saying "Are you sure you want to stop?"
    
    
12. Sometimes a message would appear on the dash saying " The gearbox cannot access the differential - do you wish to - CONTINUE - RETRY - ABORT ?

Why Microsoft Internet Explorere sucks

Microsoft has a horrible track record of releasing buggy software with numerous security holes. In fact, a study completed in 2005 proves it:

There were only 7 days in all of 2004 in which Internet Explorer could be considered vulnerability-free. Firefox and Opera, the two following most popular browsers, were protected for 307 and 300 days, respectively. 7 days vs. 300+ ? Ouch.

Internet EXplorer crashes constantly. It has happened to you, as well as everyone else that uses it, multiple times. In fact, it only takes ONE short line of code to crash Internet Explorer.

If you're brave and using Internet Explorer, click here. Internet Explorer WILL crash. Because that's what it does.

Microsoft believes it to be above all web standards and tends to play by its own rules. Now, this doesn't directly affect you as a user, but for a web developer it means creating a website takes twice as long to make. That means they spend less time making it GOOD and more time just trying to make it work.

And that means a worse web experience for you.

It would make sense for IE to support formats that everyone else does. For example, the newest picture format (PNG) and the latest style standards (CSS 2.1) are NOT well supported by IE. In fact, the brand spanking new IE 7 supports only 54% of CSS 2.1, whereas Firefox and Opera have 93% and 96% compliance.

So if you visit a site that uses these, it's just not going to work right.

Explorer's error messages don't tell you anything about the problem. It just dies and takes Windows with it.

Unlike Firefox and Opera, IE does not allow other people to openly develop on it. The great thing about Firefox and Opera is that they both have a large community developing additional features for its browser.

The US Computer Emergency Readiness Team (US-CERT), part of the Homeland Defense group, recommended against it's use because of its potential use as a target for terrorists.

What better place to attack than the virtual infrastructure?

Since IE and Windows are so closely connected, a crash of IE will often render Windows unstable and buggy.

Additionally, uninstalling and reinstalling IE is an incredibly difficult task, which is often necessary after it's been destroyed by malware and spyware hacks.

Malicious programmers will focus their efforts on targeting Internet Explorer because:

1. It's easy to take advantage of the security exploits of Internet Explorer
   
   
2. Internet Explorer users tend to be less web-educated and tech-savvy and may more easily fall into traps
   
   
3. It's what most people use, so they'll hit the most people with their software.
   

So if you switch from Internet Explorer, you'll protect yourself, your computer, and your private information from malicious hackers.

Why use a program that constantly crashes, provides huge security risks, and causes general system instability when there are great alternatives like FireFox and Opera out there?

Consider taking the time to try FireFox - it will even import all of your bookmarks and settings from Internet Explorer. FireFox is designed to accommodate former Internet Explorer users, so you won't have to learn how to use a new browser, but you will find new features that will make the web far more pleasant!

Click the Firefox logo if you need to download the FireFox browser.

Dared 2A3C Tube Amplifier

Dared 2A3C

I spotted this little gem while hunting for a tube amplifier in Guangzhou. It looks small but weighs a massive 17 kgs! The Chinese salesman took time to show me this tube and I had a good listening test with a number of high end Chinese speakers and a pair of Sonus Faber thrown in. The chinese speakers are not known to be easy to drive and yet at five (5) watts RMS, the little fella pumped out a lot of gusto. When I heard it paired with the Sonus Faber, I knew I have to have it. It's just great stuff. If if it works well with the Sonus Faber, it has to do even better with my Klipsch flagship bearing in mind, the Klipsch needs only 1watt to produce 100 dB.

It took me four days to await the arrival of the 2A3C having sent it through the Hong Kong International Airport Post Office. When it arrived at my place, I was impressed by the meticulous packaging, two hard boxes and polysterene foam, plus a pair of white gloves. The gloves were meant to be worn so that you won't foul the two big 2A3C vacuum tubes. The chrome casing was incredible beautiful and the build quality, in one word, superb.

Installation was pretty simple once you have the interconnects and the speaker wires in place. The first piece of CD was an XRCD by Tongli. Her vocal came across like she was right in front of you. You can literally hear her breath and dynamics. 5 watts were all it takes to produce shattering bass. Mind you, in my opinion, bass are meant to be felt not heard. The placement of the musical instruments and transparency are crystal clear. Credit must go to the horn tweeters of the Klipsch for the clarity in music reproduction.

Qinpu A800 Mk II

For the last couple of years, I have been using the heavyweight, Qinpu A8000 MkII. 100 watts per channel AB class and the difference between this brute and the 2A3C is stark and astounding. The latter came across as warmth, typically of tube, and more detailed and refined. The 2A3C is a 5 watt per channel SET with Class A amplification. As the Klispch is notoriously high efficient, the pure 5 clean watts are all it takes to create a live shattering performance. It's not over yet as I have been told that the ultimate performance comes in after the amp has run-in for 100 hours. I am already sold on the 2A3C's virtues and I reckoned I have to decommission my Qinpu for early retirement.

My advice is if you own a pair of Klipsch loudspeakers the 2A3C is your best bet in amplification. You don't need more than 5 watts to drive them. The 2A3C is highly recommended if you are looking for a great tube amplifier.

Dared VP-845 Tube Amplifier

My next stop will be this ultimate amplifier, the Dared VP-845. Costing a cool US$3,500 with only 18 watts per channel Class A amplification, it must be one of the most expensive amplifier in terms of dollar per power output. The VP-845 weighs a massive 40 kgs and you probably need two men to carry it. Once I get my hands on one of these, I will relegate the 2A3C to my bedroom. It won't be longer than six months.

You can read a review on the Dared VP-845 at Six Moons, http://www.6moons.com/audioreviews/dared/845.html

How smart are you?

Read this sentence:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS
OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now count the F's is that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE.
Do not go back and count them again.

Then go to Answers to "How Smart Are You?"

Filipino Inmates Rehearsing Thriller

Thriller - Bollywood Style

Lipsticks

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of year 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators.

Inspiration: Sir Edmund Hillary still growing

Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to climb Mt. Everest.

What many do not know is that Sir Hillary did not make it to the top of Everest the first time. He tried it many times and encountered many problems even to the extent of losing half his climbing party.

Nonetheless, the British Parliament decided to honor him with an award. When he entered the chamber to a standing ovation, Sir Hillary saw a large picture of Everest set-up in his honor.

He calmly walked to the picture, shook his fist at it and said,

"You won, this time. But you are as big as you are ever going to get. And I'm still growing."

More often than not, we hear success stories but we always assumed they succeed the very first time.

Three Brazilian Soldiers

Answers to "How Smart Are You?"

There are 6 F's in the sentence. One of average intelligence finds 3 of them. If you spotted 4, you're above average. To see 5 is rare. If you caught 6, you are a genius. There is no catch. Most people forget the OFs. The human brain tends to see them as Vs instead of F's.

So... How smart are you?

Thoughts to Ponder

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had eight kids already, (three of whom were deaf, two of whom were blind, and one who was mentally retarded), and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks eight to ten martinis a day.

Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college, and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
(Answers further down the threads)

Punctuation

Advertisements back in the good ole days

Answers to Thoughts To Ponder

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill,
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And by the way: In answer to the abortion question

If you said yes,
you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it?

Makes a person think, before judging someone with too little information.

Another interesting random thought:

Amateurs built the ark . . . .
Professionals built the Titanic . . . .

Ten Top Worst URLs

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is www.whorepresents.com
   
   
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
   
   
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
   
   
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
   
   
5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
   www.powergenitalia.com
   
   
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
   www.molestationnursery.com
   
   
7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always www.ipanywhere.com
   
   
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church . Their website is
   www.cummingfirst.com
   
   
9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
   www.speedofart.com
   
   
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com

Killer Biscuits

Great American Cars: The Pontiac Solstice

The Pontiac Solstice is probably one of the sexiest roadster in America today. A runaway success for Pontiac, the Solstice is eye candy and oozes seductive curves all over. Available in two versions, base with the 2.4L Ecotec and a 2.o turbocharged GXP. Both engines are 4 cylinders and are rated 170 bhp and 270 bhp respectively. Base price starts at around SIN$33,000.

For more on the Pontiac Solstice, click onto Pontiac's website.

Company Structure

A Company Structure is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different branches at different levels, some climbing up. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Office Morals

Lesson number one ... A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high...

Lesson number two ... A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fornight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson number three ... When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

Five Surgeons taking a coffee break

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on," said the first surgeon. "You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

"I think librarians are the easiest to operate on," said the second. "You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

"I like to operate on electricians," said the third. "You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

"I like to operate on lawyers," said the fourth. "They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable."

"I like engineers," said the fifth. "They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."

Problem Solving

Corporate Lessons

Corporate Lesson # 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $ 800 just to drop that towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs! When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the! $800 he owes me?"

MORAL OF THE STORY: Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure!

Corporate Lesson # 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek; further up, you will find glory."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great opportunities!

Corporate Lesson #3

Usually the junior executives and staff of the company generally play football; the middle level managers are more interested in tennis
and the top management usually has a preference for Golf.

MORAL OF THE STORY: As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.

Corporate Lesson # 4

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

MORAL OF THE STORY- Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.

Corporate Lesson # 5

There were these 4 guys, Russian President Putin, Germany's Chancellor Kohl, America's Dictator Bush and French Premiere Chirac who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French Premiere Chirac wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian President Putin turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is American's Randy. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language, you never know what it will land you in